On practising differently
How are you?
How are you really?
Some of you may know I usually ask this question twice in meditation practice against what we feel we may need ‘right now’, followed with a second enquiry using the modifier, ‘what do I really need?’
Many years ago I carried out a week-long ‘experiment’. When asked how I was, I would respond, "not that great actually" (or something along those lines).
In every instance, the person enquiring responded, "oh that's good to hear".
I concluded that people were following societal norms and behaving politely, assuming a default reply would be returned, which again would be 'polite', "I'm good / fine thanks".
This led me to feel people were tuned out of the conversation, hearing only what they needed to hear, but not really listening.
I’m forever changed by the words of writer Mark Nepo that have had a guiding influence on me since I first stumbled across them and his writing:
To listen is to lean in softly with the willingness to be changed by what we hear
Let those words sit and percolate with you a while before continuing.
The last three months have held something of a personal challenge for me, and I noticed I was applying the analogy of ‘not listening’ against what I was 'seeing'. Through my meditation practice, and the subsequent reflective enquiry process, I began to 'look / see' differently.
Noticing where I averted my gaze and what I chose not to look at - ultimately an insight into the nature of mind.
Unfortunately I do not have any attribution for the above image, but will happily update if anyone knows the artist / source
In my last museletter (link below), I mentioned I had become ‘blinkered to my situation’ - this is only part of the story.
The remainder of the story, is that I needed to find a different way of seeing, and not accepting the ‘story’ conveniently provided by my mind…
One of the most positive aspects of menopause (for me), has been that I cannot continue ‘as before’. There is no ‘normal’, in fact, everything has to be laid bare which at times is incredibly uncomfortable, but necessary. It gnaws at me like a hungry ghost otherwise.
I recall discussing this with a very close friend across a couple of months last year, and observed that my practice was no longer serving me the way it had previously. I felt adrift and it was uncomfortable. As a result, this has had to change as I changed. To not do so is akin to square peg, round hole syndrome.
Another bonus of offering women-only meditation sessions, is that it allows for open discussion on what’s happening in our lives and how we use our practice as a support.
I can’t imagine these conversations happening in an open group, or for women to feel confident enough to bring their issues to the fore and to feel heard.
Some time ago I likened our women’s gatherings to that of a mycelium network - we are all connected. As Mirabai Starr writes in her wonderful book, Wild Mercy
Whenever we tend to a single strand, we are participating in the care of the whole
This is why I felt affirmed and seen as a woman practising Buddhism, to read this fab article that dropped in my inbox from Lion’s Roar.
Do check out my website for upcoming offerings if you feel inspired.