On no-thing in particular
For some time now I’ve been in something of a cycle.
I have a very close friend who often speaks of joy: she asks herself, ‘will this bring me joy?’ She actively chooses activities that will push the joy-o-meter higher.
When I considered this, I realised that I couldn’t name what really brought me joy. Don’t get me wrong, there’s activities that are pleasant and enjoyable, but no-thing standout that shouts JOY. That’s when I realised something: I was too tired to recognise joy in my life.
During an audio message, (we gave up texting a long time ago - it’s too faffy - press the mic button and talk, it’s easier AND you get to hear a real human voice too!), I bemoaned this fact. She then sent me this video…(you should be able to click the image to be taken to video).
I know I’m not alone - well, the video is proof of that. By the time I’ve finished working a full day, plus all the other add-ons of life, my energies are zapped and joy could be doing a full-on cabaret in front of me, and I’m not even aware of it.
This realisation saddened me, but came as no surprise. The last few months I’ve had health issues which have pushed me beyond depleted.
Then I had another realisation. (It’s been a busy summer!) The pressure on a Monday morning when connecting with work colleagues and everyone asks how the weekend was, and ‘what did you do?’
It seemed to me there is a hidden expectation that I needed to reel off a list of ‘things’ crammed into the preciousness of two days when not having to work-work.
I noticed a sense of guilt, or even shame: I wasn’t reading - I didn’t have the energy. I wasn’t writing - thinking and writing meant using energy that wasn’t available to me. Going out equated to looking forward to when I could be back home, laying down.
Weekend life (outside of essential chores) needs to be experienced horizontally right now.
Practising the art of no-thing has shown me where I would normally have taken false refuge, by busying myself in a whole host of activities.
Instead there’s a restorative energy in the art of doing no-thing.
It’s been just over a year since I retired from teaching yoga and when August dawned I understood the energy element previously required for classes. August was the time when I would pre-plan for upcoming classes and consider the themes I wished to weave in. Only now, a year on, can I appreciate how much of an investment it was, when summer was ideally suited to resting.
Practising no-thing and simply being present has given time for reflection on where I have ignored my own needs. It’s not a comfortable feeling. I mention this as you may be doing the same perhaps without realising?
Like myself, many of those reading may be in the peri / menopause stage of life. If you’re in the UK, you may be aware of the TV show that’s been airing this week on Channel 5 - Women’s Health: Breaking the Taboos.
It’s appreciated that for many of us, this programme will provide education and in some cases, hope, when it comes to easing the myriad conditions we experience.
However, it was the framing of the closing comments from the lovely Kate Thornton in episode 1 that stirred me …
Every day is a school day as I work my way through this. It made me look at a side of peri-menopause and menopause that I hadn’t even connected - CBT, breathing - stuff that I can do for myself. Secondly, this too shall pass. I cannot wait for that to happen. And last but not least, I’m not crazy, I’m just a woman.
Mmm…in case you missed it…
The word “just” diminishes the content that follows this word. It is a “protector” word, a word that softens what you want to achieve 1
Just has become synonymous with another 4-letter word (in my mind) and of late, I’ve been falling over myself with it, since it was pointed out to be by a taxi driver.
Taxi drivers, in my experience, are lovely, chatty people (though there are always the exceptions). During the journey we were chatting and he asked me something about myself and I began, “I’m just … “
He pulled me up immediately! “Just? Just? Why are you putting yourself down like that?”
It was meant with all good intentions, yet it hit home and now it’s a trip-wire.
Like an ear-worm, you will probably notice your own use of this word, or perhaps there’s another you’re using?
Coming up at the end of summer:
Meditation resumes Saturday 17 September - this is a wonderful group (if you’ve not yet joined us). It’s meditation and a whole lot more, and the discussion is rich. The women are what make the group special and you would be very welcome to join us.