On spirituality
It has been some time since I last made an offering ~ 8 months in fact. It crossed my mind several times and then the urge passed (!) However this is a topic that I’ve mused over, and after a trend I’ve begun to notice, decided to break cover. It needs to be said, as always, these are my opinions which may not match yours, and that’s ok. We don’t have to agree with everyone over everything in life. You always have the choice to not continue reading.
So what immediately comes to mind when you consider spirituality? Or put another way, ‘being spiritual’?
According to Dr Maya Spencer of the Royal College of Psychiatrists…1
Spirituality involves the recognition of a feeling or sense or belief that there is something greater than myself, something more to being human than sensory experience, and that the greater whole of which we are part is cosmic or divine in nature.
Does this match anything that came to mind for you?
Further on in the document, she goes on to say…
The spiritual journey involves first healing and affirming the ego so that positive states are experienced; with secure self-esteem, belief in self-worth and a capacity for love and generosity, a person becomes less constrained by ego defences. […] Hesitantly, I offer my own definition consistent with the Buddha’s path: spirituality is the indefinable urge to reach beyond the limits of ordinary human existence that is bounded by unconscious forces and self-interest, and to discover higher values in ourselves and to live them consistently in our relationships and roles. It involves developing practices that aid us in rising and expanding, perhaps beyond the merely good to the transcendent, in the process of looking inwards rather than outwards for our own morality and guidance
From the start she mentions ‘first healing’, which for me, is the crux of a spiritual practice, aka: ‘sorting your shit out’.
A spiritual practice is hard work and processing, sitting with ALL parts of yourself, seeing how you are showing up in the world honestly, working with highly attuned therapists who can reflect back to you and not let you off the hook when you try to wriggle your way out of things.
Let me reiterate, it’s hard bloody work.
The Descent
Most of you reading this won’t know that in November 2022 I began my descent into what was going to be my biggest arse-kicking dark night of the soul period.
Prior to the November - several months prior in fact - I’d begun to feel disconnected from my ‘spiritual’ practice. It wasn’t nurturing or sustaining me in any of the ways it had previously. I was then aware of this sense of irritation within because there was something quite obviously missing.
I was away on retreat in the November and I can point to the millisecond when the descent began, it was so immensely palpable.
There’s a very curious phenomena when healing that it allows you in those tentative steps of initiating your ascent are you able to reflect back and begin to join the dots. When in the hot, messy middle, you don’t have the capacity to think about anything 5 minutes previously.
Maureen Murdock expresses the journey succinctly in her book ‘The Heroine’s Journey’2 with the cycle below:
The pre-cursor to my descent was there on the page…’Awakening to feelings of spiritual aridity: death’. I’d clearly missed / ignored the previous steps!
I will leave you to read the rest of the cycle and perhaps investigate more if this calls to you.
Sitting within this timeframe I had also received Carly Mountain’s book ‘Descent & Rising’3 which I’d pre-ordered. This book arrived showing me quite clearly what was already happening.
The Ascent
Second, as Dr Maya goes on to expound, it’s ‘developing practices that aid us in rising and expanding’.
This could be meditation / mindfulness, dancing, prayer, pilgrimage, writing ~ anything that gets you in touch with the core of your being and ability to be present with yourself as you are in each moment.
This TED talk is very lovely for expressing the language of spirituality:
As Lisette says above, it’s recognising when something has stolen all of your joy.
Then when healing, you realise what you have missed was
always there, we just needed to find the language to communicate with it
How we doing so far?
After many (many) months of amazing embodied therapy, I’m in a fantastic place. The hard work continues - it doesn’t let up. I’ve also reconnected with a daily practice that is unlike anything I’d done prior to my descent. As I’m writing this, today marks 212 days of showing up with my practice. (Not that anyone’s counting, but I feel it’s important to mention). This ‘showing up’ is my commitment to myself and it’s non-negotiable. As Dr Maya says, it’s ‘the process of looking inwards rather than outwards’.
What isn’t spirituality in your mind?
Again this may not match your view and it is not my intention to be contentious but here are my thoughts:
It’s not speaking a certain language ~ everyone seems to be mentioning wild / rewilding the feminine, belonging, event horizons (to name a few).
It’s not wearing ‘spiritual’ clothes and jewellery - wear what you like, it’s what’s inside that matters.
It’s not about certain foods and drinks - eat and drink mindfully and make wise choices about what nourishment you need.
It’s not about doing this, that or the other training or workshop - honestly the world is awash with people telling you how you can accomplish, reconnect, learn if you train with them. If it forms part of your healing, use discernment.
It’s not about attending retreats in faraway places with ££££ price tags - you can self-style a retreat of your own with a weekend in a caravan, a couple of good books, a journal and nourishing food. Heck, a day’s retreat in your bedroom away from your family also works (I know because I’ve done it). Important note: nourishing food is essential.
It’s not about selfies posed at sacred sites to show the followers on social media ‘look how spiritual I am’. Take photos that remind you of something meaningful rather than buying into a narrative that has no foundation.
Finally, it’s not about disconnecting - it’s about being deeply connected with yourself which ultimately improves your life and, a Brucie bonus, the lives of those around you.
Offerings
Should you be interested in what’s coming up, take a look at the calendar on my website for meditation, Dharma Book Club with Sakyadhita UK and Writing: A Spiritual Practice (where we don’t avoid the hard questions in life).
Carly Mountain’s website and offerings